DISCLAIMER: Any resemblance between the following story and reality, is purely coincidental. The characters in this story are fictional. The story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this article are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased), places, buildings, and products is intended or should be inferred.

Once upon a Time in the EU Kingdom …

There was a beautiful princess called Catia. She was smarter and more beautiful than all men around her. The gods Versalis and Wall Street decided to give a kingdom to Catia for her birthday, the Kingdom of Novaland. Catia became a very powerful queen. Versalis was the daughter of ENI, a powerful sorcerer who secretly controlled Versalis and Novaland.

Princess Catia thought she could run the Novaland Kingdom as she pleased but her grandfather ENI had other plans. He imposed a ruse on Catia: she had to find an ‘imaginary’ diamond and give it to Versalis to prove that she could run her kingdom independently. ENI was cunning because he knew that princess Catia would fail to find the ‘imaginary’ diamond. ENI added the condition that he would inherit the Kingdom of Novaland and all of its jewels if Catia failed to find the diamond.

Catia was a smart and cunning princess and decided to get to work. She surrounded herself with powerful wizards. She created a prophecy called Mater-Bi and built a web of personal ties and connections within the EU institutions. Her wizards advised her to focus on two battles: getting EU funds and getting rid of the competition.

One of the greatest ally of Catia was the powerful oracle named BBI JU, who later evolved into the CBE JU. The oracle was a great donor to princess Catia and Novaland.

When the day arrived to give the diamond to Versalis, Catia failed to do so and had to give away Novaland and her jewels to ENI. This was a very profitable operation for ENI because he was a fossil God and was able to trick EU bio-economy and circular jewels into his pockets without raising any suspicions.

ENI had big plans for Novaland. He wanted to sell Novaland to Uncle Sam in Wall Street to make a gigantic profit and to get rid of all the skeletons in the closet left by the wizards of Novaland.

The skeletons included legal sorcery and tricks perpetuated by the wizards during the high years of their reign.

In Italy, they got rid of the little rebellious town of Kromabatch who believed in OXO and who didn’t want to accept Catia’s rule and reign so she sent her wizards to eradicate the town.

To avoid similar rebellions, the wizards advised princess Catia to issue a commandment to eradicate OXO in the EU Kingdom. The powerful wizard Vittorio, brother of the EU King Romano, accepted to play the game and created a EUSUP commandment to destroy OXO and to promote Novaland and its prophecy. EUSUP also gave full powers to Recyclus. Recyclus was a semi-god / semi preacher who promised to send plastic to heaven but, as it turned out, sent it to hell instead. Recyclus was initially perceived as the strongest divinity in the EU Kingdom but was eventually unmasked as a charlatan selling ponzi schemes and elixirs at the Berlaymont building and Schumann Place in Brussels. It was China who bursted the bubble in 2017, when they demonstrated that Recyclus’ elixirs were a mixture of snake oil, fairy dust and what the french call poudre de perlimpinpin. EUSUP was efficient in banning and diabolising OXO technology but interestingly enough remained very vague when it came to regulating Recyclus technologies. To add insult to injury, Recyclus’ elixirs had to be judged by the EFSA or ECHA gods, while OXO, arch enemy of Novaland and Catia, was sacrificed altogether by the European Commission, European Parliament and European Commission through the EUSUP. The OXO patent was copy pasted into the EUSUP commandment because the wizards had very long arms. They got rid of the OXO fly but left the giant Recyclus running around with his schemes and elixirs.

Later on, to express his gratitude for the excellent collaboration with the brothers, ENI offered several jobs to the Prodi dynasty.

There’s also the Bio-on prophecy. Bio-on had stolen the fire from the Gods to give it to the people. It was an alternative to OXO and Mater Bi but the wizards came with a plan to deal with Bio-on. Bio-on was placed under guardianship and transferred to the Italian Justice based on a story told by an innkeeper called ‘Shortselling’ located in the Kingdom of Wall Street, a very powerful nation with a god called ‘Money’. As it turned out, the Wall Street innkeepers and Novaland were using the same wizards.

More recently the Italian Competition and Market Authority ( AGCM ) decided to start an investigation against Novaland and ENI for cartel formation and illegal commercial practices in Italy, or as the Roman commandment says:

“The conduct under consideration could have a prejudicial effect on competition by limiting the use of alternative inputs to Mater-Bi for the production of LPB and VLPB bags according to Italian regulations and by also preventing the production of LPB and VLPB bags by converters using alternative inputs to Mater-Bi in Italy. It is not excluded that the conduct under consideration may also affect technological evolution for the production of other disposable products (plates, cups, etc.), preventing converters from using more efficient and suitable raw materials for such products from emerging in the domestic market.

In conclusion, the conduct adopted by Novamont, at least since 2017 – limiting the outlets of alternative (bio)plastic raw materials (competitors of Mater-Bi) that have adequate standards for the production of LPB and VLPB bags according to Italian regulations, as well as the production and marketing of LPB and VLPB bags compliant with such norms, made with alternative (bio)plastics – could constitute an abuse of dominant position in violation of Article 102 of the Treaty on the Functioning of the European Union.”

And what are the officials of the EU Kingdom doing in the meantime? They’re looking elsewhere as the EUSUP directive has been written in their name. They’re pretending to be busy running the casino and counting the money bills in the basement…. to cover the fact that bio- & circular jewels have been given to a fossil God through questionable and sophisticated constructions and that the oracle has been playing the personal banker of the princess..

Next steps? The final chapter of the Novaland fairy tale; selling Novaland to Uncle Sam with the help of Wall Street innkeepers .

The sun always shines in the kingdom of Novaland.