Dear Europeans,
Our Union has entered a new era of progress. Energy is expensive, housing is unreachable, industry is fading, and bureaucracy has finally become more reliable than growth.
But we must go further.
You will consume less, travel less, own less and pay more. In return, we will provide targets, directives, dashboards and reassuring speeches explaining why your declining standard of living is actually a historic achievement.
Competitiveness will remain essential, which is why we will continue regulating European companies until only the strongest foreign competitors remain.
Your sacrifices are necessary. Your frustration is regrettable. Your compliance is appreciated.
And remember: freedom is important, provided it has been properly certified, taxed and approved.
Long live neo-bourgeois Bolshevism: redistribute the misery, privatise the privilege, and regulate whatever still moves.
Together, we will manage the decline.
— Ursula von der Leyen, probably