Bioplastics Chronicles

Worlds First Compostable Airplane (FREE)

This article is a satire on the "everything has become compostable" trend and is not for sensitive minds. This is an exclusive interview with the German CEO of a major aviation company. This is a FREE article

Interviewer – Dear Mr. Fulofscheisse (Aviation CEO), thank you for giving us the time and opportunity to do an interview with you.

Aviation CEO – Ach, keine problem; I do this mit viel pleasure.

Interviewer – Apparently you’re launching the world’s first compostable airplane?

Aviation CEO – Ja, sicher – the first compostable airplane. It was in ze pipeline for some time, between ze first compostable rocket launcher und die first compostable nuclear missile.

Interviewer – Did you engage with any stakeholders before launching the new plane?

Aviation CEO – Ja sicher, we invited all ze stakeholders to our office und we separated ze men from ze women. Then our PR agency, Gestaput, made a quick presentation.

Interviewer – Did you leave time for questions and answers?

Aviation CEO – Ja, ze Gestaput did ze interrogations!

Interviewer – How does it work in practice? How do you compost an airplane?

Aviation CEO – Ja, das is very easy. You compostiert ze plane in the garden or backyard.

Interviewer – But a plane is very large and wouldn’t fit into the main door! So how do you bring it in the garden?

Aviation CEO – Nein, not through ze door. That’s too compliciert! We crash ze plane directly into ze garden of ze composter.

Interviewer – But are you sure it’s really compostable?

Aviation CEO – ja wir haben die certificazionen und die labels….it’s 100 % compostierbaar.

Interviewer – But aren’t you afraid that accidents may happen?

Aviation CEO – Ja, aber we call it ze “collateral compost”. Our second PR agency, Luftwapha, will deal with the public relation und crisis management.

Interviewer – What’s next in the pipeline?

Aviation CEO – Our next product launch is ze “home” compostable airplane for apartments …

Interviewer – How do you compost a plane in an apartment?

Aviation CEO – We crash ze plane straight into ze apartment building!

Interviewer – But the whole building will explode and collapse?

Aviation CEO – Ja, it will explode und collapse … into 100 % organic compost und biomass.

Interviewer – Isn’t this a hazard?

Aviation CEO – Nein, we call it ze certified “net zero collateral compost scheisse”

Interviewer – And after that whats next?

Aviation CEO – Ze 100 % compostable train

Interviewer – How does that work in practice?

Aviation CEO – We ram it straight into the compost facility!

Interviewer – What can we expect in the next five years?

Aviation CEO – Ze compostierbare aircraft carrier!

Interviewer – And anything on the marine degradable market?

Aviation CEO – Ja, ze marine biodegradable submarine! It will degrade in 90 days.

Interviewer – Thank you for the interview!

This was the Friday joke; I hope it made you smile. Humor is a cure to everything!

I like to use “German” characters as they are easy to stereotype, but in fact I love the German culture and folkor …. it’s truly authentic … no artifice …. a real popular culture that has managed to survive in the globalised world.

“Compostable” has become the new “El Dorado” … everybody wants to surf on it or should I say “everybody wants to make money on it”.

So beware of the greenwashing part.

Many companies will brand applications as “compostable”, so the golden rule is …. use your common sense.

Don’t forget to do a good deed today; smile at people and the world will smile back at you

And now, go back to work!

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